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My answer is that I truly hope that you will come into your own and feel comfortable with your sexuality, your gender, and your body. I want to skip right to the end of your question when you ask if you'll ever get over this. Feeling alienated from your own body is not usually a pleasant feeling, and I can feel your frustration just from reading your question. Why couldn't it be possible to completely start over, live the life I want to live, and and be the person I want to be.?įirst things first: I'm glad you're here, and you are not alone. Do you know if having this problem is as rare as I expect it is? Most people who want to change sexes I assume are not feeling like they want to be a homosexual version of the opposite gender, right? Do you think I'll ever get over this? I'm having an impossible enough time accepting who I am because I've always been extremely depressed and hated myself and my life. It makes me so depressed because I know I can't change the fact that I was born in the body I was, but I don't suspect I'd ever look into getting a sex change, especially since going from female to male is so complicated and wouldn't nearly result in what I wish I could be. I won't tell anyone I know about these feelings, but they just frustrate me all the time. This must sound so strange but I'm finally being honest with myself and need to get it out there for someone else to know about before I burst. I hate practically everything about my body anyway, but after watching so many guys get off I just really wish I had a penis. I don't think I ever orgasmed during intercourse in any of the times I had it. When I try to masturbate, it usually lasts less than a minute, it seems, and sometimes nothing even works. I mean, guys can jack off for like over 20 minutes sometimes before they orgasm, all the while feeling some sort of pleasure, and the same when receiving a blowjob (which, for the most part, I think guys can give better than girls). I've also realized how much more pleasure it seems a man can get from his penis than I can from my vagina. I'm a huge sucker for coming out stories or tales of experimentation and love and romance, both in full-length movies and short films. I've also become obsessed with finding gay-themed movies posted in parts by YouTube users. What I like most is seeing "gay for pay" - straight guys who engage in gay sexual activities for money for websites.
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In fact, seeing girls almost always totally turns me off and I really can't stand the moans of a female. To compensate, I finally got the guts to look at some porn over the internet, but never with any girls - just (male) gay. I'm not sexually active right now at all (have had 2 partners in the past but nothing for over a year) and it's pretty frustrating because I miss it. I'm a straight 20-year-old girl who lately can't get the idea out of my head that I wish sooo much that I'd been born a gay boy instead.